Catching stomach butterflies
Rehat on the problem with Big Dating and his hope for love on the internet
Ramadan Mubarak to everyone observing this month. May Allah make it easy for you and accept your efforts, Inshallah.
You’ll probably notice more love and relationships, and less sex, this month. Plus, I’ve got two guest writers, from next week on, whose stories I think you’ll love reading as I take time to focus on the importance of this month and my faith.
But, first up, is Rehat. We’ve been Twitter buddies since 2017. We may have connected over tech but we bonded over skincare and haircare.
Rehat continues to be ridiculously talented: he’s a stunning photographer, an iOS developer who is always building gorgeous products that I love and an all round artist. He’s recently turned his attention to building a new kind of dating app. You may have figured out by now that I’m super interested in people who are trying to change the game when it comes to finding love (I’ve spoken to the founders of Hati, Muzz, and Musly — yes, that infamous review that got me thrown off of the dating app). Because I don’t believe in the current iteration of online dating for myself — I’m a sucker for a meet cute — I’m always curious when people tell me they think there’s a better way to find love online. So, here’s how Rehat’s looking at the challenge:
About a year and a half ago, Rehat was taken seriously ill. He’d recently moved to a new city, ended up in hospital, and recovery took months and months. The experience made him realise that while he knew people on a surface level, he hadn’t built strong friendship foundations in his new home. It got him thinking about the challenges of forming and maintaining long-lasting, meaningful relationships — especially as we get older and friendships are no longer based on simply being in the same year group or growing up in the same small town. Instead, we want friendships built on shared interests and understandings. Yet, he couldn’t seem to find anyone focusing on solving that problem as the foundation of love.
“I think the internet's big enough that you can find and make connections anywhere — on dating apps and outside of them,” he says. However, there are three big problems:
There's this false belief of choice. A purposeful choice by Big Dating© apps is to make people feel like there’s an endless stream of options. You swipe ‘no’ on someone and someone else immediately replaces them. It has changed how people view the dating pool — there’s no scarcity mindset so no one’s ever good enough. An early engineer at Tinder once mentioned on Twitter that the whole reason you struggle to find people on Tinder is because it's built to keep you on the app.
Match.com owns everything. You get the impression that you have a lot of choice and can go to an app that best suits you but the majority dating apps are all owned by a single company — with a few big exceptions like Bumble and Muzz — that have a similar, hidden dark algorithm with no transparency on how they decide who to show you. They're driven by profit and not by any sort of noble cause to find you love.
You have to convey what you want. You have to try and articulate with very limited tools — like set filters (many that you have to pay extra for), a few photos, and ridiculous prompts — who you think would be a good match for you.
But, despite all of this, Rehat still believes you can find love on the internet: “We just need new ways. So I’m trying to build one of them with Halfway, my soon to be launched app.” The parent company is called Stomach Butterflies Inc. How cute is that!?
Bring your date to the gym
A couple of years ago, Rehat came across someone who explained their approach to dating like this:
Instead of planning “traditional” dates like a dinner or a coffee which felt clinical, they would simply bring their date along to things that they were already doing. So they’d say, “Hey, I'm going to [this event or to play this sport], do you want to come along?” In a set up like that, you get to see people in the context of your life or you in theirs. You get to see how they react and behave in real life circumstances, not just performing for a date. At the end of it, if you make a connection, great. It’s based on shared and enjoyed experiences in a more natural environment. If you don’t, you still did something you enjoyed and it doesn’t feel like a waste of time or money.
That concept remains central to his vision for Halfway. It’s not guided by algorithms: “I haven't written a single line of code that decides who or whom not to show you.” Instead, the app’s goal is to connect you with people who you already share a part of your life with — maybe you go to the same cafes, coworking spaces, sports venues, gigs, etc. So, you’ve probably crossed paths but not met or made a real life connection, for whatever reason. On your profile, you select that you’d enjoy meeting people who go to this bar or that bookshop, and you'll get shown folks who’ve checked into those same places. There's no other filter options like religion or height that usually exist on other apps. “I’m just creating more moments for connection,” he says. In time, the plan is to make it more comprehensive so you can say, “Find me people who’ve got at least five mutual places with me,” so there’s more ground for shared interests.
Every relationship should have a solid platonic foundation
“I believe you should always have a strong platonic foundation with someone,” Rehat says. “Whether you stay platonic or it transforms into something romantic is then a story for another day. But when there’s a solid foundation, you have something real already. Friendship means you’ll care about someone throughout your explorations of what you mean to each other.”
He finds existing dating app structures inadequate for fostering those deep connections. “Prompts aren’t a good way of understanding a human. Like, it's insulting that Hinge thinks you can understand people and decide if you want to pursue them by reading three out of 60 random questions that they've devised as prompts. It dumbs down how people interact. It makes me angry.”
Then, there’s the issue of photos. Most dating apps allow users to upload six pictures. The expectation is that they’re of your face as apps like Bumble run image detection algorithms on them to make sure profiles aren’t bots. So, it’s less likely you’ll share your art or your hobbies.
With Halway, he envisions a more open-ended profile structure — one that feels playful and personal rather than restrictive. One that’s unique to you, a bit like back in the MySpace days, so users can convey who they are more meaningfully.
Building with Integrity
Throughout the development of Halfway, one of his top priorities has been to answer the question, ‘How do you keep women safe?’ He says, “There’s a huge power imbalance with genders when it comes to straight relationships. Sharing your location, where you've checked in, etc. creates very valid fears about people potentially using your information for nefarious reasons.” Location privacy is a fundamental consideration. Halfway does not store user locations or track movements. All location data remains on the user’s device, ensuring there is no risk of unauthorised discovery. Basically, there’s no mining of personal data for profit.
He’s also implemented name protection. He explains it like this: “When I look at your profile, Anisah, I won’t be able to see your name. If I send you a message request and you accept me, then I can. But you’ll be able to see mine from when the message request comes in.”
Beyond safety features, he firmly believes that digital products should align with ethical principles. As such, Halfway will be available to download worldwide — with one exception. The app will not be accessible in Israel, nor will it accept Israeli users. Phone numbers from Israel will be blocked. He does not recognise the occupying military state of Israel and sees this decision as part of a broader movement towards justice. In his view, achieving critical mass in support of Palestine is inevitable in our lifetime, and everyone has a role to play in shifting the tide. Each individual has the power to apply pressure in their own way. This is his.
What’s next?
“Personally, I'm more excited about the connections I'm going to make using my own app — not even specifically from a dating perspective! Having something like Halfway out in the world is exciting not only for the connections but also the new experiences I'm not yet aware that I'll enjoy with people," he tells me.
You can follow Rehat’s journey to Halfway’s launch on its shiny new socials: Instagram and X.