Introducing Brown Bodies
Let's chat all things sex and love in the South Asian diaspora
Hello!
Welcome to the first issue of Brown Bodies! Terrifying. Thank you for being here.
It’s taken me a bloody long while to get this first episode out the door but, as Dolly Parton (who is basically honorary South Asian) said, “I'm not going to limit myself just because people won't accept the fact that I can do something else.” So, after just over a decade of chatting All Things Tech™, I’ve decided I now want to talk about the relationship between Sex and the South Asian Diaspora. Yes, sex.
It feels like you’re putting your reputation, family name and prospects on the line just by uttering that tiny, singular syllable word, s-e-x.
When it comes to talking about sex in the South Asian diaspora, it can feel like the taboo of all taboos. Yet we are all impacted by it — whether we’re actually having sex or not isn’t the point — it’s so central to our lives. Not only does it affect our love lives, it plays an important role in our confidence and the way we carry ourselves in the world, our careers, our interactions with our communities, our relationships with ourselves, with our parents and our family, and our relationship with God, faith and spirituality.
And I just don’t think we’re talking about it enough! I wish there had been more conversation around me, available to me, that discussed all the different facets of sex in a culturally and religiously relevant way. Instead, on one side it was ‘no sex before marriage or you’ll go to hell’ and on the other it was ‘here’s how to put a condom on a test tube so you don’t get pregnant and if you do get pregnant remember this horrifying video of a teenager giving birth screaming a hospital down’... Maybe that latter one was just my school?
There was never any conversation about why religions tell you to wait until marriage, about pleasure, about self love, about culture, trust, body positivity, confidence, vulnerability, intimacy, fun, love…There was also no talk about what may not work, about pain, about understanding our sexual health nor did I hear anything about fertility difficulties, loss, ongoing consent within relationships, lack of desire or fear.
So, let’s talk about it? Great. Perfect.
So, what am I going to write about?
Listen, I don’t know about you but I have a hard time finding culturally sensitive, accessible, fact checked stories and resources written by and for the South Asian community — so this is me trying to do my part to change some of that.
I will be interviewing some incredible South Asians, from writers and actors to professors and entrepreneurs, on their experiences with love and sex.
You and I are also going to learn a load on this journey — I will be chatting to therapists, sex educators, religious scholars and community leaders — about religion, culture, history and immigration have shaped our views. Plus the occasional guide, tips, and more. I’ve already interviewed three incredible people and I’m so excited to get their stories out. I hope your feedback will shape where this goes — I’m open and all ears. I see this newsletter as the start of building a community and a knowledge base and then let’s just see where it takes us.
Who is this for?
I started this for the South Asian diaspora. Wikipedia says, “a diaspora is a population that is scattered across regions which are separate from its geographic place of origin.”
Basically, if you get asked, “where are you from, from?” This is for you. All genders. All sexualities.
But if you find my words help you, touch you, intrigue you or resonate with you, you’re welcome here. I want you here.
Oh yeah, I’ve already been asked about religion — I’ll try to cover voices from as many as I can but will primarily focus on the Big Five: Islam, Hinduism, Sikhism, Buddhism and Christianity.
Are you worried?
Yeah, I’m shit scared. Of course I am! I’m a Brown, Muslim woman talking about sex. My mum’s going to read this!
But I approach this in good faith and I hope that you will too. I’m learning. I will make mistakes. I will learn.
But I also am going to have fun and a lot of laughs along the way. I’m going to speak to people with incredible stories and life experience — a total privilege — and I am going to enjoy that.
Erm, but who are you?
Ahh the existential question.
According to my LinkedIn, I founded a coding school for women and non binary people in London called 23 Code Street. It used its proceeds to fund digital skills training in the slums of Mumbai. Last year, I was awarded an MBE for services to diversity in technology.
I also am a Startup Life reporter at Sifted, which is backed by the Financial Times; a small time angel investor; a trustee at an excellent charity called the Social Tech Trust; and a speaker about tech.
According to my family, I’m the most protective (Lord save you if you wrong my sisters), most anxious, most messy, and the least funny of three daughters. I live in a mixed race, three generation Muslim household by the English seaside. There are seven of us and two dogs — yes, it’s as chaotic as it sounds. They’d also tell you I’m a professional eavesdropper, keen reader and I force them into the ocean in the middle of winter (they’d say that’s my white side).
Well, that’s way more than enough about me.
Why do you have a paid subscription offer?
The honest truth of it is that for me to do this newsletter justice, I need to dedicate a good chunk of time to it. For me to write on this topic long term; platform the voices and experiences of South Asians; and keep this free for as many people as possible for as long as possible (ideally, forever), this needs to be (to some extent, anyway) a sustainable venture. So, if you can afford to, I’d love it if you’d consider supporting my writing by becoming a paying subscriber. A year’s subscription is £50, which works out at £0.94 a week — half the cost of an Alphonso mango! Or you can subscribe monthly for £5. There’s a whole bunch of incentives that come with it too like events, discounts and Q&As.
What’s next?
Thanks for getting to the end of this intro issue. I promise it gets more exciting from here on…mostly, because it won’t be about me! I’ll be posting the first interview next week. I can’t wait for you to read it.
Until then, here are a few things I’ve been reading and listening to this week (it’s a bit UK centric this week!):
What does being Asian mean for British South Asians? Every episode of the BBC’s Three Pounds in My Pocket series — all about Asians who came to Britain in the 50s onwards — is excellent, but this one is a particularly good listen about identity. I’m going to be coming back to it a lot as I write this newsletter.
34% of British Asians are offended by sex before marriage. I’ve been trying to do my research (AKA procrastination) before starting this newsletter so this survey on British Asian views — although a small sample size and a few years old now — was a useful read.
My secret boyfriend. One of my favourite media platforms, gal-dem, recently shut down. They platformed stories and voices that often didn’t have anywhere else to live. For now, all their writing is still up. Here’s something I was reading earlier.