My first ever singles dinner party
Reviewing Musly — a new dating app that's just launched
Remember Raya? The exclusive dating app that initially existed for celebrities, requires referrals and has long wait times from application to acceptance? Well, now Musly is following in its footsteps. The new app for 25 year old and up Muslims describes itself as a members club for Muslims wanting to date. It says, ‘We're making Muslim dating better for people who are doers, entrepreneurs, creators, adventurers, and more.’
Its founder, Ifrah Khan, and I jumped on a call. She’s never actually been on any of the Muslim dating apps. “I watched my friends on them and I just thought the apps were lazy to not build something that was specific to us, not just a copy of mainstream apps but with Muslim people,” she says. So, she decided to build her own.
The app has been live for under two months, with the majority of its audience in New York, Toronto and, now, London. By the end of the call, she somehow convinces me to attend Musly’s first ever London dinner. For work research purposes only, OK!? Scroll on to read more from Ifrah and to hear how my work research dinner went.
What inspired you to start Musly?
There’s just no good way to connect to people who are exciting, doing cool things, have a different career path, love to travel, and are Muslim.
Raya, of course, has been an inspiration. As has Thursday, the app that only works on Thursdays and focuses on getting people to meet at events IRL. I was also thinking a lot about how the people I’ve been most excited in the past I met IRL — and how much better that was and how rare that is. Having worked in members clubs and marketplaces, much of my career focus has been bringing communities and micro-communities together…so all the pieces just fell together for Musly.
Talk to me about the criteria to join.
People have to be undeniably exciting. Whether they're working in entertainment, are tech founders, have cool side projects or hobbies, or love to travel. We want people who are adventurous, explorers, and not the status quo. Ethnicity wise, we’re open to all and love that diversity in the Muslim community.
The app is application only — it’s what allows us to curate our members. And we are really strict about who we let in.
What’s different about Musly?
A few things! You only get to see five people every 12 hours on the app. It gives you time to chat and for it not to feel like a chore to be on the app. Plus, every member gets a complimentary dating coach session with our concierge dating coach.
We also provide one concierge match a week — this is where a real human matches our members. And then there’s the real life dinners and meetups. We want people to meet as naturally as possible.
Anisah goes to Musly’s first ever dinner in London
I arrive in Dalston a couple of hours before the dinner. I’m stressed about the dress code: casual chic, effortlessly stylish, polished casual. Lord knows what that means so I’ve gone for a long velvet brown dress with knee high heeled boots. I may be wearing long johns underneath… London’s freezing! Did I take a photo even though I knew I was going to write this piece? Of course not. Anyway, I’m here early to get a pep talk from my good friend Lois over a Chaiiwallah. Alongside a bunch of gorgeous words, Lois tells me I deserve to have fun and to meet new people, even if it’s “work”. And I must send her a ten minute voicenote post event.
The welcome
I’m 15 minutes late to dinner, of course. And I’m not the last. I’m greeted by our host for the evening. I’m surprised she doesn’t say Salaam. Offering salaam is to wish someone peace. I look forward to moments in majority Muslim spaces where these things are normal and it’s the bare minimum I’d expect at a Muslim focused event. The discomfort doesn’t stop there. Once we’re all settled in, we go around the room and each briefly introduce ourselves. It’s actually a really nice moment of grounding. During her introduction, our host mentions that there’s a great cocktail bar down the road that’s open until 4am, if we wanted to continue to chat to anyone we’d hit it off with and, “I’m sure they must have some non alcoholic options”. Listen, I’m under no illusion that all Muslims don’t drink, nor does it concern me, but it feels incongruent with an event that advertises Halal food and drink. At this point, I have an urge to leave but I’ve started chatting to my neighbours and they’re good vibes, so I give it a chance.
The setting
20 of us — 10 men, 10 women — sit at a long candlelit dinner. It’s meant to feel intimate and cosy, and it does. The space works well for it. It’s not too loud so you can hear others talk, it’s not too quiet so it feels awkward. The table is set prettily but not stuffily. It feels like a big group of friends reunited for the holidays. The age range seems to be about 27-32. Ethnicities are mixed but it’s primarily South Asians. Most people live in London or surrounding areas but some people have come a bit of a way to get here.
The people
Musly has hand-curated my table mates. Apparently, we’ve been matched based on shared interests, similar age ranges, shared passions, and other stuff the team don’t divulge. They’ve put effort into ensuring I’ll meet some people I’ll get along with. And, you know what, they’ve done a great job. I’m at the end of the table with five others, and conversation is just easy. It’s helped a little along by the conversation starters on the back of our name cards.
For instance, one of the cards asks us what conspiracy theories we believe in. One guy shares that he thinks the Bermuda Triangle is where the Dajjal is — the Muslim version of the antichrist. Sort of — and that’s where he will raise his army from, hence all the missing ships and planes. That was a conversation starter, for sure! If you’re curious about mine, you’re going to have to take me out…
Forget the men for a second, I want to talk about the women. Ahh, the women. Successful, funny, gorgeous, ambitious, doing the work on themselves, showing up as themselves, knowing what they want…I swear to God, it’s the women I will continue talking to after this event. The men, on average, don’t match up to the standard of the women. This doesn’t take away from the men being lovely — I think some of them are just in a very different life stage — especially in terms of understanding what they want and why they want it. I guess we’ve all just had to put more thought into it for obvious reasons.
The seat swap
After a very basic starter of cold pitta bread and some version of hummus, we’re asked to swap seats in time for the fish carpaccio, the best course of the dinner by far. I decide I have too much to move — my drinking glasses, jacket and bag — so I just shift one seat to the left. What a good decision that was. I hit it off with my new neighbour pretty much immediately. We talk a little bit about our exes and that puts me at ease. In Muslim spaces, I’m always worried about the judgement of having a past. Ifrah told me in our chat that one of the things they’re really focused on is creating a space that isn’t judgemental: “Many people avoid Muslim dating apps because they fear judgment about how religious they are or the assumptions made about their beliefs and lifestyle.” I understand that. I have felt that. People see me and my life and expect me to be a particular way.
I would say there’s definitely a mix of religiosity this evening. Ifrah says they’re building a platform for culturally connected Muslims, not strictly religious ones. I don’t identify as being culturally Muslim — I am Muslim. What I would say is that I do look for spaces that are non judgemental and ones where people feel comfortable being themselves — and are honest about how they live their lives and the journey’s they’re on with their faith. There are quite a few people like me around the table. The idea of culturally Muslim definitely feels more relatable in North America, from the conversations I’ve had.
The food
At about 10pm, two and a half hours after the event started, roast chicken and crispy potatoes are served. The vegetarians sit wondering whether that’s our cue to leave. The team are very apologetic and about 15 minutes later I’m served cauliflower steak with feta and crispy potatoes. It’s as OK as cauliflower steak can be. The cuisine in general doesn’t feel like the right fit for the event or the location. I think a Middle Eastern tapas style situation would have worked a lot better.
We swap seats again. I don’t move. My neighbour just takes the seat on the other side of me. It’s cute and I’m flattered. Was it because there were no other seats? Potentially. Am I going to allow myself this moment of delulu? 100%. Most of my original neighbours are back to our table end too. It’s fun. There’s laughter. We talk about siblings, work, travel. Conversation flows as does the Noughty non alcoholic rosé which is a new brand for me — it’s British South Asian owned and is organic, vegan and halal.
The number swap
Later in the evening, someone asked me if I was interested in one of the guys I had been chatting to because, if not, they were. I felt like I was caught in a Love is Blind moment. I explained it was only platonic and please be my guest, live your best life, shoot your shot. Did I go overboard in my embarrassment? Potentially. I’m here for work.
At this point, it’s getting late and dessert still hasn’t come out. But it’s a school night and we’re in Dalston which is a million miles away for pretty much everyone so people begin to leave. I sit. I observe. One girl goes up to a guy and says it’s nice to meet him. He says, “You too. Good luck with everything.” I die inside. I see her say bye to someone else who asks for her details and she politely declines. I want the earth to swallow me up from all the second hand embarrassment but everyone is being very adult. I’ve not done this before. Dating is 100% not my thing. So I’m late to realise this was the expected departure procedure.
It’s my turn to leave. I swap details with all the cool girlies, and say goodbye to my neighbours. Did I leave with any numbers? 🤷🏽♀️
The verdict
I guess the main question is would I go again? Yes, I would. This was Musly’s first event and I can see the potential it has. Does it need to sort some things out? Yes. The food needs to be better, it needs to run on time and I think the host needs to be on brand. But the curation of people was great and I left with friends. I also think there are a couple of people who will have further conversations after the dinner and that speaks volumes.
NB: I was given free membership to Musly to participate in this event. I paid £45 for the dinner. My views are my own and I was under no pressure to give a glowing review.
Want to try out another dating platform and write about it for Brown Bodies? Hit me up and we’ll pay for your date.
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