Vibrators 101
What we learnt at our first ever event
Last week, we ran the first ever Brown Bodies event! The focus was self pleasure and an intro to vibrators but omg it was so much more than that. It felt like group therapy.
Savannah and I had a chat about our personal journeys — it felt like a continuation of our first conversation almost a year ago for Brown Bodies— before opening it up to the room to share theirs. Do you know those moments when you’re so present? When you’re hanging on to another person’s every word? I felt like that with every single story told in the room. I had a moment where I was like, ‘Yep, this is why I started this. For this.’ I’ve never been in a room before where self pleasure is discussed with such honesty, vulnerability, reverence, spirituality and laughter. We will do more. We can’t not.
We also had a 101 Vibrators workshop thanks to the lovely team at luxury sexual wellness brand LELO. There was so much great information that the LELO team and I thought we’d pull together a guide on all things vibrators. Huge thanks to Jaydi from LELO for all her contributions to this article. Like I always say, I’m learning while I’m sharing. So tell me where I’ve missed things, what you wish you knew, what I should add, and I’ll keep this as a work in progress post.
When you get to the end of this (longer than normal) newsletter (sorry, I just wanted you to have everything!), I have a very exciting discount code you can use exclusively on www.lelo.com.
Vibrators 101
What is a vibrator?
OK so when I found out how vibrators came (ahem) to be, I genuinely giggled for about ten minutes.
Vibrators — a personal intimate massager — was developed to cure what was known as hysteria. Hysteria symptoms included anxiety, insomnia, depression, irritability, fainting, fevers and more. It was a ‘women’s problem’ and was blamed on the uterus. The solution? Well, I think this extract explains it better than I ever could:
So, women were being given pelvic massages by their medical professionals so that they could orgasm and then feel better. According to The Guardian, “the pelvic massage was a highly lucrative staple of many medical practices in 19th-century London, with repeat business all but guaranteed.” But it was a “tedious, time-consuming and physically tiring” endeavour for doctors so the vibrator was invented to take over for them. You can read the full history here. It’s really worth it.
Now, vibrators aren’t just for women. Whatever your genitalia, there is a toy out there for you.
Benefits of using a vibrator
It’s fun
It can help you reach orgasm alone
It can help you reach orgasm during partnered sex.
Releases Endorphins
releases sexual tension (hence the cure for hysteria thing)
reduces stress
helps you sleep
improves your self-esteem
Helps you understand what you like
It can relieve menstrual cramps or muscle tension
It strengthens muscle tone in your pelvic area. It’s basically like going to the gym, right!?
It can help increase arousal and desire
Issues with vibrators
Vibrators can be a bit of a sensitive issue when it comes to South Asian communities…there are cultural, social, and religious norms that have made the use of vibrators taboo or completely disallowed.
There can be a social and cultural idea that female sexual pleasure is secondary…sometimes even totally inappropriate and shameful. The role is to serve a man and to reproduce. It also leads to fear that a woman is using a toy because she is dissatisfied with her partner which is oh so emasculating. It doesn’t help that in some South Asian countries, the import and sale of sexual wellness products are restricted or outright banned, doubling down on this idea of shame. We, as a diaspora, do import ideology from our ‘home’ countries. Whether we’re first or fourth generation. It trickles through.
Religiously, vibrators are, of course, not in any scriptures. They’re a pretty new invention. I plan to do a longer piece on religious views of self pleasure very soon as I don’t want to get the facts wrong but a quick top line:
Most conservative interpretations of Abrahamic religions see sexual activity only as acceptable within the confines of marriage… and strictly for reproductive purposes. So some will say that if you’re using it with your spouse, enjoy yourself. But others will chuck vibrators in the same bucket as masturbation — which is seen as wrong, dirty in certain religions, or as tools that promote adultery.
Hinduism has various schools of thought. People look at the Kama Sutra — which is most commonly associated with Hinduism, although it’s not a religious text — and see how it looks at pleasure in all its forms, in and out of marriage, and presume vibrators are acceptable. However, social conservatism in many Hindu communities also means that vibrators can be frowned upon or used in secrecy.
Buddhism is interesting because it could be seen through the lens of attachment to sensual pleasures, which is generally discouraged. But less strict Buddhists may see it differently (if you know more, please hit me up in the comments).
There’s also an issue with sex education in our communities. From the idea that if a hymen is broken, virginity is lost. To this idea that over stimulation from a vibrator can make you not want your partner, feel numb or promote throwing away moral values. All myths.
I mean, I could write a whole piece just on this. Maybe I will. Another day!
Types of Vibrators
External vibrators
An external vibrator is meant to get the external parts of your body going. Think the clitoris, nipples, etc. They’re good for solo and partner play.
Your options are toys like
Bullets: Often cute and compact. They’re small and can be used very precisely on areas that you want to target. This is often the first toy of choice. There’s often a misconception that this is just for clitoral play but they can also be used to stimulate the perineum (the area between the testicles and anus) or the base and shaft of the penis. Here’s what LELO has to say about them.
Air: Air pulse vibrators use air pressure technology to stimulate sensitive areas without direct contact. Women like them because they replicate the feeling of getting oral. They can also be used on men to stimulate the frenulum (the sensitive area on the underside of the penis near the head).
Clitoral: These devices are designed to deliver targeted stimulation to one of the most sensitive areas: the clitoris. Far from being a one-size-fits-all solution, clitoral vibrators come in various shapes and sizes, each promising a unique path to personal pleasure. Jaydi’s forever recommendation is LELO’s Sila Cruise!
Wand: I love the story that these used to be advertised as back massagers! They’re powerful, can be big and can be used for broad external stimulation on all bodies. Experiment. They can be pretty strong though so start slow. Note there are two sizes on LELO (Medium and Large). Jaydi recommends starting with the Medium as the Large is extremely large!
Cock Rings: These fun little things are for the base of the penis. They vibrate, they can restrict blood flow to prolong and enhance erections and they can be used whilst having penetrative sex. We love a multitasker.
Masturbators: They simulate the sensations of oral or vaginal sex for a penis. Some vibrate, some are manual, others can be controlled by your long distance partner, and others by your AI partner (I’m not joking). Here is LELO’s best selling male masturbator.
Internal
Internal vibrators stimulate internally — like the vagina or anus.
Your options are:
G spot vibrators: They’re usually curved to reach inner areas of a female body. It’s important to note that the G-spot isn't a specific, isolated part of our anatomy. It’s a blanket term covering the part of the vagina that bumps up against the internal network of the clitoris and the sensitive erectile tissue that wraps around the urethra. stimulating this area often involves applying gentle pressure toward the front wall of the vagina, near the belly.
Prostate Vibrators: These are specifically designed to target the male prostate gland, curved to hit the right spot effectively (a bit like G Spot vibrators).
Dual stimulation toys: The best of both worlds — these toys are designed to provide female bodies with simultaneous internal and external stimulation. You may know these as the rabbit. Although there are other options on the market too!
Anal stimulation toys: Suitable for everyone. These usually have a base so they don’t get lost or stuck. Here is Jaydi’s recommendation that is designed for women.
What’s right for you?
Material. Not everything is body safe. Really check what you’re buying and where you’re buying it from. I’ve always heard that the best ones should be non-porous (i.e. don't have lots of tiny spaces that things can go into.) Look for things like medical-grade silicone and stainless steel. If you want to use it in the shower or bath, you’ll also need to make sure it’s waterproof.
What area of the body do you want to stimulate? Sometimes to figure this out, you might want to have a play alone first. What feels good? Do you like direct clitoral stimulation? Do you prefer fingers or oral sex? Do you want targeted vibrations, patterns or more varied stuff?
Who is it for? Do you want it for partner play or for solo play or for a mix of both? You may want a genderless toy that you can use alone or with a partner.
Size. What size is good and comfortable for you to hold? What makes you feel comfortable being in the house?
Do you want it to be hands free?
Do you want something quieter?
Do you want someone else to be able to control it with an app?
Price. Because it really does range.
Some things to note
Clean them! Lots.
If you have an IUD, you’ll want to avoid any vibrator that rotates internally as this could catch on your IUD’s strings.
It’s possible for a sex toy to cause temporary numbness after orgasm, especially if you use the strongest vibration settings. But if this does happen, know that sensation will come back. Don’t turn it up quite so high next time.
There’s a myth that sex toys are addictive and can make climax with a partner more difficult. This is more about habit — if you get used to orgasming one way, you’ll need to mix it up so other days don’t become harder.
Go treat yourself
If you’re now inspired to go get yourself or a loved one a cheeky gift, the lovely team at LELO have given us 15% off of all of their products. This is on top of the already discounted deals on the website.
Use the code BROWNBODIES15 at checkout. Also, for any orders over £159 you will also receive a free LELO Dot Vibrator that is worth £179!
The exclusive discount code is only valid until 23rd May so, you know, get moving!
I just want to say a huge thank you to:
Savannah, who shared her stories so openly and vulnerably and was the best cohost ever.
Jaydi, marketing and communications manager at LELO, who not only made the event possible with fun goodies and her vibrator knowledge, but was also so excited from the get go — her belief in Brown Bodies (and me!) and what it could become gave me so much energy.
Victoria, my very lovely friend from Toronto who did all Brown Bodies’ first ever socials with the briefest brief ever!
Patrick for securing us space at Second Home and Callum for setting it up for us.
And, finally, Saima from The Hampstead Kitchen for catering the event.